The mobile phone and the poo explosion

Yesterday's post reminded me of a fateful day in 2006 while living in our very first house.


Daddy's little princess decided to send daddy's phone on a marvelous adventure into the wonderful world of waterland.

Chapter 1: What if?

It all started a couple of days before when, one moment I had my mobile phone, and the next minute I didn't. That, in itself is not unusual at all for me, because I misplace things all the time. What was strange was that after hours of searching in our very small house, the phone remained elusive. I came to the conclusion that it had been abducted by the same aliens that had stolen everything else that I have lost and never found again. That was until our toilet decided to have the mother of all blockages, and I began to wonder "What if...".

Chapter 2: Evacuated

Yes indeed. The toilet was blocked so bad that absolutely no water would flush, and no amount of plunging would unstop it. The family had to be evacuated (as is usual procedure for civil emergencies), and I spent the next day excavating the back yard in an attempt to find the drain pipe.

Chapter 3: Drainman

I employed the services of an elderly (but very experienced) drainman, who assured me there was no pipe in existence that couldn't be unblocked with his 'contraption'. This contraption was a highly modified high pressure hose which worked its way up/or down blocked drain-pipes blasting (and therefore dislodging) every thing daring to stand in its way. All seemed to be going according to plan, until the contraption met with a very solid immovable object (phone-shaped if you will) which had lodged itself in the pipe, effectively halting a week's worth of poo and paper.

Chapter 4: Fire in the hole!

The drainman, realising that his reputation was on the line now, determined that no blockage would get the better of him. He proceeded to break a hole in the pipe's wall, and with the contraption at full throttle at one end, attempted to dislodge the blockage with his bare-hands at the other. Very bad idea.

Chapter 5: Oh ...

I never did see what caused the blockage as it was well and truly 'flushed away' in the deluge that ensued... What I did see however (and I'm sure it was in slow-motion), was the drainman coming face to face with his adversary in explosive fashion, quite literally. If ever there was a wrong time to be in a wrong place... it was where the drainman was. I only wish I had a video-recorder.

Chapter 6: ...Happy Day

Have you ever had one of those precious moments in life when, although you know you shouldn't, you laugh at another person's expense, and it makes your day? This was one of those times. It was almost worth all the trouble.

Chapter 7: Hardly ever after

The drainman, with his vast years of experience said that blockage was consistent with the mobile-phone-flushed-down-the-toilet-by-a-toddler hypothesis. Before he went home to wash up, I asked him if he ever got sick. He replied... hardly ever.


850,000 phones meet death by toilet yearly in the UK.


PaisleyJade said...

Love it (the post that is)... and I do remember that day so well. Yuck!

lesmondj said...

Heh...i remember that. Poor smelly old man.

Rachel Kate said...

hahahaha this post was awesome :)

Jon Dylan said...

This definitely needed to be filmed and edited to super slow motion like the "slow motion slap" video in your other blog. Classic!